I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You are the jesus of drinking
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
