I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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