Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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