It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
