Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
