I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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