go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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