I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
