her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize