I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
