He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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