we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
