the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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