some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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