Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
