May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
