I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
