9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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