you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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