fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
