how can u be prego again
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize