I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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