i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
