Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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