apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
