OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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