He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
