when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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