You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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