I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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