I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
