you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize