You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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