I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
