After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
