I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
