Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
