Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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