I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
