His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
