I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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