Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
