I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
