I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
