New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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