No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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