my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
