Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
