We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
