me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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