and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
