You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
