Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
