It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
