She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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