This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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