Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
