my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize