hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
