You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The air was thick with penises
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
