Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
