I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
