So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize