What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
