Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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