pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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