We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
