I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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