the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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