the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
