I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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