you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
