My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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