You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
