I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
