I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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