Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
