please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
