Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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