She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize