it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
