What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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