Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
