i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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