yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
As shirtless as possible
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Randomize
