Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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