I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
