Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
