Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize