She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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