my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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